he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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