you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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