While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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