we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize