i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
