this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
