at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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