I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
