You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
