Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
