I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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