my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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