You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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