You can't special order awesome
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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