my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
