Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize