nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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