Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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