woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's rum buckets o'clock
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize