Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
