Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
