Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
