unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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