I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
