I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's rum buckets o'clock
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
