Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
