Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
