roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
