Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
