it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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