Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
