i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
