Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
