I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
