I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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