it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize