I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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