There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
