Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
