All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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