I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
