so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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