All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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