Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
