Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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