I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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