He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
