He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
