Whod you bang
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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