This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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