drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
