I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
