I skipped work to stalk him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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