We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
