If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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