My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
