and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
