well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
