So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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