I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
