I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize