I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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