So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
