Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
