He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
