I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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