You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
